#53: A Quick Fix for People-Pleasing

decision confidence fopo people-pleasing permission May 25, 2023
Kirsten Parker
#53: A Quick Fix for People-Pleasing

We hate people-pleasing. (Duh.)

And yet, it happens SO often — Sometimes we don't even notice 'til we're out the door and down the street, when it hits us: Wait did we just agree to something we have zero interest in doing?? (...for example...😉)

That's when a quick fix like today's tool comes in SUPER handy.

If you can notice yourself thinking "Is it ok to (upset...disappoint...inconvenience...) So-n-So?" — then you can use this tool!

The trouble with this question ("Is it ok...?") is, it's a low quality question.

The only ways to answer it are:

a) The way you have forever, because that takes the least mental effort: "No, it is absolutely NOT ok to upset that person!"

or b) With a ton of mental effort, to justify breaking this lifelong rule (which feels crappy in itself, even if you end up NOT people-pleasing).

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 Here's the better way!

Instead of focusing on "Is it ok if this person gets upset" — ask: "Can I handle it if this person gets upset?" 

This trick will help you remember that YES, it may be uncomfortable being around someone else's feelings (or your best guess about what they might be feeling!)...

...But let's check in with if you think you're up for that, for the sake of making the choice you really want to!

Sometimes you'll find that someone's potential reaction ISN'T that scary (even if it would be unpleasant) — and you'll feel much more at ease going ahead with your Authentic Choice, come what may.

Other times, you might find that you actually don't feel like you could handle it if someone went off the rails with a guilt-trip (or some other crappy response) — which is really good to know!

Because at that point, you can decide consciously what you want to do next: Get extra help, so you can make Choice A...Make Choice B because it's easier and you don't choose to care so much...You have options!

The goal of this tool is to help you feel in charge of your choice no matter what you decide — Enjoy!

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