#26: Expert Interview! How to End People Pleasing Drama with Coach Sara Bybee Fisk

decision confidence enjoying the present fopo people-pleasing permission Nov 10, 2022

Oooo we're in for a treat today, friend! 🎉

Coach Sara Fisk is in the house and she's here to make not people pleasing a doable, easy, best-gift-to-yourself-ever thing.

Listen in as we geek out on:

  • How to say no to people (even if you love them!) and live to tell the tale
  • What it feels like to stop defaulting to doing things the hardest way possible
  • Why you should spend more time on the question "What do I really want?"
  • How "people pleasing" isn't an entirely terrible thing (great news! you don't have to try to stop forever!)
  • What the BRAVEST thing you can do really is

Here's what you can look forward to:

[5:55] Have you ever defaulted to doing things the most challenging way possible (just because you "should")?

Personally, I stop myself in the middle of things all the time to say (out loud, obvs), "Wait a minute. This doesn't have to be this hard. Surely we can make this easier." Because it's so easy to end up making things harder than they need to be!

Sara describes how she was (unknowinly) primed for Grind Culture growing up, so when she found herself making decisions as a high-achieving Type A adult, she automatically defaulted to "The harder option is clearly the better one!" — which not only contributed to people pleasing, but health issues. (Can you relate?)

She inspires (slash challenges) you to ask WHY the next time you notice you're choosing the hardest version of the thing

[9:00] As a Coach who helps women stop people pleasing, she also has loads of wisdom to share about our human desire to "shape people's opinions about us" (spoiler: you don't really have to get rid of this desire in order to stop people pleasing!)

She offers three powerful questions you can ask when you find yourself caring deeply about (slash trying to manipulate) people's thoughts about you:

  • Why do I care — Why do this person's thoughts about me matter?
  • What am I most worried about will happen, if they think something bad about me?
  • What is the cost to me to try to control this person's thoughts about me?

[13:15] We also explore how to stop shutting down your WANTS — and stop living based on old rules you set up like "I can't consider that" or "Good moms / professionals / etc don't do this." 

And even though it's uncomfortable to start changing your habits and potentially "upsetting" people...it's WAY more uncomfortable to keep "letting people outside of you call the shots for your life, based on what they want you to do and give them." The radical doubling down on what you want IS an option for you...but it can be hard!

[19:50] "The person's opinion that matters the most is YOUR opinion of you." 

She's brutally honest about how hard it is to realize "I am disappointing myself over and over and over and over again." — but when you CAN be honest about that, you have all the fire you need to make a permanent change!

[25:30] Her greatest gift to herself? "I am ME all the time. I am integrated with my wants and my emotions. Sometimes I still feel super shitty!...But I'm still ME all the time. And it's SO MUCH LESS WORK!"

When you stop working so hard at people pleasing, you get MORE time, MORE energy, MORE brainspace...to do whatever you want with!


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